here's a lil' something before i zzz...



hmm, i have a bikini too but i'm just tooooooooooooooooOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOoooooooooooo darn shy/scared/ugly/fat to wear it. [>.<]

on the other hand... i was thinking about getting my belly button pierced. should i?

alrightys... short post for today, i need to zzz... work again tomoro... *sigh*

oh no, wait a minute... i get to wear pretty stuff... what am i complaining about?! *lol*

nightzzz.....

story telling attempt no.2

toffee. sticky sweet toffee.

3pm and they were at a mutual friend's place for a dance rehersal. working on dance moves and teaching one another. everyone was working hard as the performance was about 2 weeks away.

5pm and they took a break. she flopped down on the comfy couch. fun as it was, it was also exhausting as they had had a long day. her girlfriends began messing around with the piano, his guyfriends hung around talking about basketball and he sat down beside her. she snuggled into his arms and felt really protected, loved... she wished they could stay like that for eternity. she breathed in his scent... committing it to memory.

someone had brought a bag of sweets and they were passing it around. she picked a toffee outta the bag and unwrapped the brownish-gold wrapping paper. it was a hot day and the toffee had melted slightly. sticky. she popped the toffee into her mouth... not noticing that a bit had fallen unto the collar of her white baby-tee. but he had. he got some tissues and tried to help her remove the toffee but it was no use. she got up and hurried to the kitchen sink as the tee was her favourite and she didn't want it to be stained. she tried washing but it was quite impossible for her to wash it off since she could hardly see her collar. he had followed her into the kitchen and he helped her rid the toffee stain.

***

some noise brought her back to reality. it was a distant memory now but she still remembers it like it was yesterday. everyone who saw them together then said that they were a match made in heaven. "what a laugh" she thought, "they should look at us now. both living different lives". their paths separated a long time ago and she has hardly seen him nor heard from him. she had heard from some friends that he was now in a serious relationship with another girl and they looked great together. she was happy for him but she still missed him. she had dated other guys after him but she did not let them in the way she had him. he was her mr right.

still sucking on the toffee in her mouth, she continued her reading in the library. she did not see him come in and sit down beside her. "excuse me, i think u've got a little something on your collar" he said. she smelt a familiar scent... looked up and he smiled at her whilst offering tissues. "silly little girl, until now and you still can't have toffee without having a little of it fall onto your shirt?" he said whilst helping her get rid of the toffee just like he did a long time ago. "i heard you were back in town and i knew you would be here... i wanted to give you this" he said as he handed to her a card... "my wedding invitation. i hope you would attend. it would mean the world to me."

perhaps we give all of our hearts unconditionally to those who hardly feel the same way in return and that's when we get hurt. we build up walls to hide our hearts to save us from the pain. and that's when we, in turn, hurt the people who gave their hearts to us unconditionally. and the cycle goes on and on...

storytelling attempt no.1

9am and she's awake. as she lay in bed, she thought "it's boy's birthday in a couple of days' time but i'm not going to be around to celebrate it with him. i'm going back tomoro... perhaps i could throw him a surprise birthday party tonight." she smiled as she made her plans. rolling over on her side, she watched as he slept peacefully beside her.

11am and she got up. went to shower and began her plans. he was still fast asleep. she msged his flatmate telling him of her plans and asking him for help. they decided on him asking boy to go up to uni for a game of football but when they looked out of the window, decided to change their plans to a game of badminton instead. it had been raining for the past few days and it was still raining.

2pm and he was getting ready to go up to uni for badminton. it was pouring and she prepared the sole umbrella for him. he needed it more since he was going to be going away on a trip for awhile and should not be catching a cold. as he was about to leave, she asked if he would leave the keys for her so that if the rain stopped she could go out.

4pm and it was still raining. she decided not to wait any longer and she hurried out into the wet and cold dressed in jeans and a hooded jacket. she had not been out in the town on her own before and she was worried that she might not be able to find her destination. and she was right. she ventured up and down the lanes, in and out of alleys... before stumbling upon her destination out of the blue. running into the shop to get out of the rain, she got a look from the shop owner that seemed to say, "stay out". but she didn't care. she headed straight in and she picked out the present and handed it straight to the owner. he looked at her, dripping wet, and told her the price. she said she knows and asked if there was a box that she could put it in. he packed the present up for her with a shocked look on his face but nevertheless gave her a discount when he found out what she was doing.

5pm and she dashed out of the shop and back into the rain. she somewhat figured out her second destination while getting lost in town a second time. unfortunately the shop did not have what she wanted and she wandered around town figuring what she should get instead. when she decided, she hurried into the shop and bought the cake and then she made a mad dash back home as she knew he would be coming back any moment soon. when she got home, she hid the cake and the present in her luggage and changed out of her wet clothes and blow-dried her hair with his hair dryer.

6pm and he arrives home. he asked her if she went out at all and she told him no. he then went to shower and she moved the cake and the present to his flatmate's room. and so the plan was in force. luckily for her, one of his friends had some friends over and so she decided to bring them up to introduce them to everyone after dinner. giving everyone else a perfect excuse to be hanging around the flat.

11pm and she has made several attempts at lighting the lighter to light the candles. no use. the lighter did not work. the flatmates joined in her search for a working lighter and eventually they found one. she lighted the candles and made her way into the kitchen where he was playing bridge with his friends. one of the flatmates flicked the light switch off while the rest began to sing the traditional birthday song. boy was sitting with his back towards the kitchen door and did not turn around to see what was happening. when she placed the cake right smack in front of him, there was a look of shock on his face. when his friends reprimanded him on not turning around, he reasoned that he thought it was one of the other guy's birthday. which was somewhat a good excuse as it was after all a few days before his birthday.

a few days later and he calls her from his trip. his flatmate had just given him the present she got for him. he asked her why she got it and she asked him wasn't it what you've been wanting for so long now? she had saved her money in order to be able to afford the present but that was all that she told him. she did not tell him about her little adventure in the rain and that she was now sick. and until the day when they parted paths, he never knew how and when she got the present and the cake.

daybreak
i'm still awake
one week
and i'm still weak

i can't sleep
an image haunts me...

today at work, an elderly couple stopped by my stall. they were talking and pointing at several of the jewelry on display. she was in a wheelchair and he was beside her. when i went over to see if they needed any help, she said that she was looking for a bracelet with green stones in them. the reason being that today was their emerald wedding anniversary. i found one really lovely bracelet and she tried it on. she looked at him for his approval and he took out £20 to pay for it immediately. she smiled and said thank you and together they left the stall. him pushing her on the wheelchair.

55 years of marriage and i could still feel the love between the two of them. and it felt like a slap in the face. you see, i no longer believe in "happy ever after" endings. all those fairy tales we heard when we were a child mean nothing to me now. they are just lies. there's no such thing as "happy ever after". i stopped believing in it a long time ago. but today, the elderly couple... the image of the two of them leaving my stall... 55 years of marriage and god knows how many years before that of being in love with one another... just made my heart ache. it made me question if there really is a "happy ever after" ending for everyone. and if there is, where's mine? 55 years of marriage! imagine how old they are now... and yet, they still have one another. and so, more questions pop up... will i live to be that old? will i be like them, celebrating my emerald wedding anniversary with my soulmate? will we still be so much in love as they were?

so now their image lingers on inside my head... the questions float by over and over and over and i can hardly sleep. but the main one is...

is there really a "happy ever after"?

but to the elderly couple who stopped by today...
may you have many more years filled with love.

Two souls with but a single thought,
Two hearts that beat as one.
- Friedrich Halm

it's been almost a week since i blogged. been working for 4 days in a row. terribly exhausted. 2 days at metrocentre... and 2 days in washington galleries. a grand total of almost 36 hours of work in 4 days!

i like washington galleries better than metrocentre. it's not as busy as metrocentre and the takings aren't as much... but it is nicer there. besides, the hours are shorter... at metrocentre i work maximum 11 hours a day whereas at washington galleries, maximum hours would be 8 and a half hours a day.

w.g. is nicer too cos i don't really have to worry about itchy fingers... the people there are either too young or too old to actually steal! just the other day at metrocentre, i lost an £8 earrings to itchy fingers. a group of geordie kids came by and not to be discriminative or anything but it's the truth, these kids just can't be trusted. they mess around and i don't have eyes around the whole stall. sheesh... and i have to pay for it... oh well, thank god it's just earrings and not the necklaces that got stolen... otherwise i'll die.

another reason why i like w.g. is becos... the cashpoint is just soo near the stall... no excuse for anyone to say "i don't have any cash on me". *grins* besides, me stall just beside sainsbury and near the entrance, need i say more?

anyways, just sooo tired... i need a goood rest. me aim tomoro, clean my room... go to town for some jogging pants, black working pants, comfortable black shoes... then mebbe gonna go over to jesmond and go jogging. my mum laughed when she heard me say i wanna go jogging. i hope no one else is laughing now... [>.<] oh come on, support me in my attempts to diet and be healthy! my aim, slim down and gain stamina before convocation! sleeepy time... zzzZZZzzz....

the familiar sound of heartbreak echoes all around
the familiar feeling of pain so surreal
when did those protective walls fall down?
now all that is left are ruins on the ground

let it rain
may the raindrops wash away the dirt
let it storm
may the thunder cover the cry of hurt

and so...

i'm in a mood of mixed emotions. it happens especially when i havn't had enough sleep and especially since...

today's the last day of the bvc.


-warning : really emotional stuff below-
afternote : well, not really. but it is emotional to me. so there.


i don't know if i should be happy or i should be sad... a part of me is screaming in joy for the fact that i've gotten thru the whole course. i've "almost" completed this path of my life which i doubted i would perform well in. "almost" because today was the due date of one of the last two assessments i had and results have yet to be released. i'm happy becos soon, i'll be going home home home! and i get to see my dearest summer and spring. oh how i miss u guys so much!!! and omg... i wanna nasi lemak and milo sangat kurang ais!!! but err, minus the 'norman' part k. oooh! and i miss my darrling purple room and my bearbear who was waiting for me on my bed...



...but unfortunately has been discovered by my baby ethan...


his royal cute-ness all grown up...

...who has taken to dragging poor bearbear who's bigger than him around the house! pooor bearbear!

but then again, another part of me is sad that it is the end. learned so much and grew so much from the experience... made new acquaintances and we supported one another thruout this intense course. and now we're parting ways... to different parts of malaysia. going back to the way things were before this course... sort of. in fact, a dear fren has already left us in newcastle... as i'm typing this, she's most probbly in london where she leaves for brunei on wednesday...

dear eme
i'm glad to have known you. although we may not have been close, but we sure did have some fun times together eh? thanks for being u... supportive and so full of advise. take good care of urself... and keep in touch yeah? me wanna know when u gonna be called a mummy! man... if my mum was as hot as u... [>.<] anyways, u know how to find me... H E R E! *grins* leave a msg on chitterchatter or leave a comment whenever, u're free to do so... missing you already babe... *hugs*

darnnit. i'm crying again.

***

onto other stuff...

my slippers has gone into retirement edi. 9 june 2005.

was on a mission to accomplish lotsa stuff that day. and my dear 2 year old, cost less than a pound slippers, had to choose to retire. had to collect money from the finance office in uni, had to hand in the professional ethics file, had to reclaim my solicitors' negligence opinion which i handed in 2 months ago, had to print my family plan out, had to go to the bank... and whaddaya know? on my way to uni, my slipper broke. well, i dunno how to describe it best...

so had to drag my feet all the way to the finance office first since i was nearest to it... looking like some pathetic woman who has a broken ankle or something cos it was also on the way to the doctors. an elderly lady passed by and she stopped to ask if i was alright. well, bless her heart. anyways, after completing my first mission, i had to drag my feet all the way to sutherland building where majority of people where there. thank god!

"use staplers!"
"rubberband!"
"what size are u? i'll go buy u a pair now"
u guys are the best~ u know who u are...

but credit so has to go to ren who managed to save the day...


FIXED! with a rubberband!!!

thank u so much ren.

managed to hand in my pro ethics file, reclaim my opinion, print my plan out...

and added more new missions and completed them too!

...went to the library, doodled around... and then, ero bakamono accompanied me to shop for a new pair of slippers! i hate shopping without planning first... and i never know what to get. and true enough, after walking around with a 'fixed' slipper, i did not see anything i really fancy... that and also for the fact that they all cost more than a pound! *lol*

but... i did managed to get these from marks and spencers...


GIANT COOKIES!!!!!

yumminess~

***

finally, time to start on my book reading... *nerd* [>.<]



got the book for £3.21 at asda. about 20p CHEAPER than in tesco. *lol*

***

moodswinging again... damn...

waterfall of tears

-that night-

happy, loved and protected
the world is a lovely place
my hand in urs and urs in mine
talking and laughing and having fun

the sun begins to rise
the world lights up
everything awakens
and i open my eyes
...gone...

*lol* i'm going crazy... i'm "supposed" to be writing my opinion on solicitors' negligence! look what i'm doing here... blogging nonsense... siaoness!

well, i'm off to bed... night nightz...

stop haunting me...

eyes
dark and mysterious
beautiful and captivating
to people full of laughter and joy
to themselves full of loneliness and sorrow

what have you seen lately?
what do you know?

circuit dinner

date : 26th may 2005
time : 7pm - 3am
location : copthorne hotel, newcastle
actors : northumbria university bvc
dressing : lounge suits

prologue
winter feels overdressed as she boards the metro at 3pm towards the city centre. the weather was purrrfect. winter heads to drill hall where she rushes in to print her opinion and then to northumberland building where she has her pro.neg. class with a.h. at 3.30pm. and winter WAS the overdressed student in class! apparently, everyone else brought a change of clothing...

after class, winter follows leonne to her apartment to hang out and waste time as she has to meet azzy and jian only at 6++pm. winter gets to watch TV (!!!) and enjoy a homebaked fruitcake and gets to meet a new fren, alex, who arrived close to 6pm at leonne's place. not long after, jian gives winter several miss-calls and winter hurries towards drill hall where she meets azzy and jian, as well as auzaini, james and melissa. and then the group proceeded slowly towards the quayside as ALL do not know the way to copthorne hotel BUT winter knows that it is near the metro tracks by the river tyne. *grins*

scene 1 : by the river tyne


gorgeousness!!!

oh, and i really cannot refrain from posting these... *evil grin*


see? i really am taller than jian!!! [>.<]

okok... being fair, SEE?! *ehehehe*

gee, i'm mean...

anyways, digressing...

quite a lotta people were already at the hotel... and mostly were having small talk as well as taking pictures. waiters were going around serving lil' tit-bits (chicken bites in curry sauce *swt*) and drinks.

oooooh! a reporter from the times took our pics too!!! wonder if it came out in the papers... [>.<]

clockwise l-r : the guys - jian, azzy, james, auzaini; posers... ; us - ren, omi, me ; combo - jian, ren, omi, james, joo, me.

oooh! tutors and lecturers were there too... PICCYS!!! *grins*


clockwise l-r : lesley munshi - crim.lit. tutor; chris rogers and andrew hutchinson - err, cropped this pic from a random photo of the people; deveral capps - remedies, plr tutor; ross fletcher - err, looks a bit like wax statue eh? [>.<]; stewart fairhurst - my llb evidence tutor; michael stockdale - evidence lecturer; chris rose - crim.lit. lecturer & personal tutor, *eeeeee* [^.^]

oh gosh... *blush* chris rose is SOOO tall!!! me and jian no fight!!! [>.<] eeeeeeee!!!

and piccys of coursemates...

clockwise l-r : ren, omi, anne, me; tream (?) and omi; omi, peter's wife, peter, me, eme; leonne and me.


clockwise l-r : andrew and me; the happy guy - pracha, ren, may,marlon, me, eme; ren and alex; me and orla.

scene 2 : inside copthorne hotel
everyone finds their seating and winter discovers that she's seated on table 9 with the wall on her right and orla on her left. next to orla was azzy and directly opposite her was a.h. the seating arrangement was soooo packed, some felt as though they were sardines in a can of sardine!

anyways, dinner begins with an extremely short prayer and a starter of a dish of err... fruits and lemon sorbet?! it was sweet and sour. red and white wine was served too. the next dish was spring chicken stuffed with goat's cheese with potatoes and the like. not too bad... not too bad... and for dessert, we were given apple crumble (?) and ice cream. coffee was served thereafter and followed by port, which winter decides to try. azzy said it tastes sweet and better than red/white wine and that once one tastes it, one will not put it down. err, sorry... winter still don't think it tastes nice. BUT, after a few sips of port... really tiny sips!!!, winter feels her face turning red... *eeeps*.

after a toast to the queen, several speeches were made and during the first speech, orla's phone went off but she wasn't at the table. so winter instantly grabs the phone and cancels the call but not before getting a dirty look. innocent!!! during the second speech, another phone went off... and this time, it was the phone of the first speaker!!! *lol* and it went off TWICE!!! after the speeches, the lights were dimmed and colorful lights came on... DISCO TIME!!!


random photos of the disco AND me holding up my glass of port!!!

scene 3
a raffle was held and there was only one prize... several names were called but no one came to claim the prize... during which ren kept repeating her name... hoping to be called...

"ren ren ren ren"

... and ...

true enough, her name was called!!!

ren won...

... a HUGE bottle of CHAMPAGNE!!! *lol*


l-r : the grand prize; ren and her win!

the dancing continued... and the chattering carried on...

when suddenly...

all eyes were turned onto the dance floor...


eh? who's that dancing with orla???

revelation...

TUTOR!!! [=.="]

'nuff said.

scene 4
it was almost 1am and all were waiting for taxis to proceed to anne's house for her party...

but before that... more piccys!!!


clockwise l-r : "yeapz, me cut me hair"; may, ren, me and eme; eme, jian, may, omi, azzy, me and ren; ren, may, me and err... who's lips are those??!!! [^.-]

the taxis arrive and most of us went to anne's house for awhile... we left by about 2.30am....

what a night... it was fun... it was full of shocking revelations... but it was fun nonetheless! and the amount of kisses... *ehehee*

do u remember?